Last Column for Dream University

Posted February 12th, 2012 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

May all your dreams come true.

This is a mirror of my last column for the Dream University community.

It has been a pleasure, an honor, a challenge, a growing edge, a soapbox, a place to hone my voice, and an opportunity for service. I feel blessed and honored to have written for you all.

One of the experiences I treasure the most in working with the Dream Community and Marcia in particular was the spiritual awakening I had at the Masters of Manifestation a year ago. Marcia has always told us that coaches need to have a spiritual practice. I did not get why until my awakening and subsequent development of a practice for myself.

In fact, it is that very spiritual awakening and practice that is calling me to complete my column here and branch out into a more spiritual context. After all, my spiritual awakening was due to my pursuit of dream coaching. Now my coaching exists in the context of my spirituality.

The brilliance of the Dream Coaching process is that it does not require a preexisting spiritual belief system. And yet, it led me back to my true spiritual nature. This was literally the last thing I expected to happen.

I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs or practices are; it is not for me to say. I merely hope your life is enriched and blessed by whatever they may be. May all your dreams come true.

With Gratitude,

Jack

Physician, heal thyself.

Posted January 29th, 2012 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

Physician, heal thyself.

I coach my clients to engage in compassion for themselves and self care. Saturday, I was reminded to do that for myself.

I had some experiences at work that triggered some old emotional reactions and patterns. I had previously committed myself to refraining from behaving badly based on the triggering incidents, but I was upset and angry at myself for getting angry and upset in the first place.

My pastor describes the process as a helix or spiral. You think you may be finished or complete with a piece of inner work or healing and you move around the helix 360 degrees and there it is again. The difference is that in the journey around the circle you gained some altitude, like the threads on a screw. You are facing the situation again, but at a higher level since you have grown during the trip around the circle. The situation is the same, you are what is elevated. You bring more mastery and less attachment the next time around .

I had forgotten this lesson for myself. The reminder came in the form of some transformative breath work. The operating theory is that you suppress emotions by physically holding or restricting your breath as you exhale. The breath work focuses on regaining the healthy breathing pattern. It came as no surprise to me or the facilitator that the sadness and shame I felt for having “failed” to master my emotional reaction to the incidents at work came rushing out for healing.

The healing for me was the same healing I would recommend to my clients. Forgive yourself for being human, love yourself for being human. Recognize your upward progress on the helix. Give yourself credit for catching yourself in the act before you responded by behaving badly. Take time to grieve for the cost (loss) of your previous bad behavior. The appropriate response to loss is grief…

What else can we learn from this example? How about the strength of allowing yourself to be vulnerable? Remember compassion for yourself too?

 

humbled but healing,

Jack

More on personal practices versus resolutions

Posted January 8th, 2012 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized


More on personal practices.

Last week’s column was on the difference between resolutions and personal practices. This week is on some practices that have some unintended benefits.

The week between Christmas and New Years was very emotionally challenging for me. I will share some of the practices that helped me through in ways I could never have predicted.

I was confronted with the situation of my mother, who is elderly and living in assisted care 4 hours away, and her physical and emotional decline. She experienced a medical crises that brought to light a number of eldercare issues that needed to be addressed.

It was very sad to see her state of decline. Her attitude varied from grateful for the care and support from family members to being demanding, combative and “difficult”. Her condition ignited my Doubter in a huge way and challenged me to maintain my own composure. Here are the practices I turned to:

1. Finding something to appreciate in everyone I talk to. Sounds silly in reference to your family, but the person wearing my mother’s face at times seemed much like a stranger.
2. Compassion for self and others. This practice was a double edged sword. It was easy to have compassion for her. The difficult, less practiced part, was to have compassion for myself. In her so called bad behavior, I saw myself. I used to behave just as badly and just as difficult. The pain of recognition was coupled with the knowledge that at the time I was behaving as she did, I was good and truly miserable. I can easily imagine her being just as miserable and attached to futile behavior as I was. Ouch!
3. The third practice was my spiritual practice of remembering the context of the so called undesirable situation. I was able to remember that I was emotionally reactive, my Doubter was inflamed and hyper aroused. The joy of remembering that was that I also could remember I am not my feelings. These feelings are just feelings and do not define my life. My life is so much richer and meaningful now that it can contain such uproar. I can step back at times and regain my perspective. Every now and then, I can become my own coach for a moment and listen to my own inner wisdom.
4. The fourth practice was that of gratitude. I was viscerally reminded of that after a long afternoon going through 4 files drawers of papers for her estate planning with a family member and noticing a beautiful sunset. The family member and I stepped onto the porch and enjoyed the moment. A large colony of turkey vultures returned to roost in the surrounding trees and put on quite a show for us. Joy and beauty was still available, even in the midst of yuck and drudgery.

What personal practices could you use as well developed muscles in unforeseen circumstances? What well developed strengths could you use? And as in last weeks column, do you have a coach to support you in creating and nurturing your new practice? How could a coach help you to benefit from creating new personal practices for 2012?

Warmly,

Jack Kellythorne

New Year’s Resolutions or Personal Practices?

Posted January 1st, 2012 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

New Year’s resolutions or personal practices?

What is the life span of a New Year’s resolution compared to a personal practice? Which would you bet on?

Most New Year’s resolutions are broken or extinguished in a matter of days or weeks. Well developed personal practices  can last a lifetime.

Reframing a desired behavior into a positive statement in support of your larger dream is incredibly powerful. I changed my habit of being a bad listener into a personal practice of finding something interesting about everyone I talked to over two and a half years ago. I am still reaping the benefit of that practice and it will enrich my life and the lives of my clients for years to come.

What New Year’s resolution could you turn into a personal practice instead? Do you have a coach to support you in creating and nurturing your new practice? How could a coach help you to benefit from creating new personal practices for 2012?

Warmly,

Jack

Happy Birthday to the oldest practicing Dream Coach?

Posted December 18th, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

Happy Birthday to the oldest practicing Dream Coach?

My father, Sean Kellythorne is a practicing Dream Coach®. He has at least two clients currently. He was born on the winter Solstice in 1930, making him 81 years old this Wednesday.

Does anyone know of an older Dream Coach who still has clients?

You are never too old for a new Dream

Warmly,

Jack

Living as a Dreamer

Posted December 11th, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

Living as a Dreamer

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of watching a dream come. One of my clients, Donald, (who has freely given permission to share this story) achieved one of his dreams at the top of Fremont Peak in California. He made a hike and climb he previously thought was impossible. I saw it with my own eyes, I made the climb with him and another friend, Kerry.

See the story and pictures posted at Bear Creek Ham’s blog

In Donald’s own words, “I would have never dreamed of hiking to the top of Fremont Peak, much less rock scrambling that high up. It was like being on top of the world. It is awesome to realize a dream, conquer various fears and put paid to a lot of limiting beliefs.”.

How did he and I get there? Precisely as we tell all our clients, we got to our dream one step at a time.

Two weeks later, how is Donald doing living as a Dreamer now that he reached one of his dreams?

He is practicing and expanding his dream of hiking and having inspiring adventures. Yesterday, he enlisted me as one of his Dream Team members and we went hiking with his two children, Joey and Cece, and his daughter’s BFF. We engaged in a hobby called geocaching along the way to help entertain the kids and to give us a sense of adventure and regular rest stops.
In his words,”3.97 miles and 1750 calories later, we had a GREAT afternoon! Jack, Becky, Cece, Joey and I had a blast. We found 7 geocaches, no injuries (other than pre-blisters on Cece’s feet) and Joey was drooping hard before bed time. Any clue how frigging hard it is to walk him into the ground??? We DID IT!”.

Donald continues to live out his purpose and dreams. He takes time to celebrate his successes, sharing them with others. He enrolls others, his children and friends, in his adventures and successes. He is committed , via the hobby of hiking and geocaching, to inspiring adventures, better health, and fitness. He is getting himself free and taking his children with him.

It is simple and effective. He just keeps the momentum and expansion of his dreams, sharing them and celebrating the milestones along the way. It really is the journey, not the destination.

I heard a great name for those of us who know this truth; Fellow Travelers.

Are you living as a Dreamer?

Warmly,
Jack

A Dream Comes True

Posted December 4th, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

A Dream Comes True

I had the privilege of watching a dream come true 8 days ago. One of my clients, Donald, (who has freely given permission to share this story) achieved one of his dreams at the top of Fremont Peak in California. He made a hike and climb he previously thought was impossible. I saw it with my own eyes, I made the climb with him and another friend, Kerry.

See the story and pictures posted at  Bear Creek Ham’s blog

In Donald’s own words, “I would have never dreamed of hiking to the top of Fremont Peak, much less rock scrambling that high up. It was like being on top of the world. It is awesome to realize a dream, conquer various fears and put paid to a lot of limiting beliefs.”.

How did he and I get there? Precisely as we tell all our clients, we got to our dream one step at a time.

How did Donald get there vis a vis the Dream Coaching process? He set an intention to be able to hike in the local area. He finished some incompletions to make time and space for his new dream. He discovered that hiking and having adventures were in alignment with his purpose. He identified this as one of his new dreams. He and I dealt with some serious limiting beliefs about his abilities and motivation to achieve this dream, marking those doubts as paid in full, done. He developed some new mental and physical habits that included training hikes, stretching, clearing out time in his schedule for his new dreams. He set up serious steps forward with projects and plans. He enlisted a Dream Team in the form of his family for overall support and Kerry and I for hiking buddies/resources for this particular adventure. He loves this new part of his life and plans to continue living as a hiking dreamer.

As a coach, I did not carry Donald up this peak. He got there on his own two feet. What did I do? I was his believing eyes until he could see it for himself. I simply did what Marcia trains us to do, hold a belief for our client that is bigger than the belief they hold for themselves. The possibility of Donald climbing that peak was always there. Donald could not see it as possible until he changed his beliefs.
As my Pastor put it the other day:”Your dreams are waiting for you to come true.”

Are you ready?

Warmly,
Jack

Dealing with your Doubter; a view from Poetry

Posted November 28th, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

One of the essential elements for achieving your Dreams is to deal with your Doubter.  Confronting your shadow side and allowing the protective wisdom from your Doubter to emerge is crucial.  Your Doubter gives you your list of risks and obstacles that must be dealt with consciously.  If not, what happens is that the Doubter will try to keep you safe at all costs.  Including the cost of your dreams.  If you hear from your Doubter and bring light to your shadow self, the fears, worries, etc, you can examine the risks with your Realist and sort out what needs to be accommodated and what can be released as no longer needed. Hear from your Doubter and honor his sacred function of keeping you safe.  Examine the risks he presents with the voice of your Realist.  From your well considered, realistic view of the risks and obstacles, take action on your Dreams. My friend, Lex, the spoken word artist, www.lexisword.com  puts it like this in her poem: Rise

Rise

Sometimes it’ll feel like life is grabbing you by the wings

Plucking you one by one

And setting you raw upon the earth

You’ll find yourself kicking and screaming

When your feet touch the ground

You’ve made a life searching for silver

Lining the sky with your brain storms

Thinking your freedom is just on the other side

Of you being able to understand

The storms you’ve weathered in life

Don’t make the mistake

Of making your heart just a weathervane

She sustains these veins of Gold

That reside below the skin

The day will come

when you must look within and know that

No precious stone will rise from the ground without excavation

Even cloud 9 has a chance of making of rain

If you find yourself standing under it

And who’s to say from the ground

That it’s not still just a spot on the sun

Perception is a weapon we wield

Carving our names into

Every free space in each other’s minds

Cause we can’t bear to hear

What weather we’ve brought to each other

There’s no guarantee

That when you punch through the clouds

You won’t be burned by the sun

No promise that staying on the ground

Will keep you from falling

There is no assurance that learning to swim

Can keep you from drowning when the waters rise

But what I know for sure

Is that only fear can threaten your Freedom

And sometimes it’s only the fear of losing it

That keeps you from being Free

Clipped wings may have no use for an open sky

But surely every bird still dreams

And you can’t count on not making it

Cause more often than not, you do.

And even when you think you didn’t, you did.

If it’s a vast sky your seeking

A deep vein to mine

Place your hands upon your chest

Listen to the eternal drum that calls you home

Gather there, at the open mouth of this great river

Here may you learn to drown in the safety of your own waters

Practice falling and crashing in the security of your own sky

Study the rising heat of courting your own light

Discover your capacity in the sanctuary of your soul

That nothing in the world may deter you

from rising in the presence of your fears

Gather your prayers in the center of your temple

Court the paradox with curiosity and humility

Enter the silence without the need to be broken

You will find that in time, all of sound will call to you

Seek your silent stillness to restore it’s vibration to the purity of silence

See that the depth of your roots

Can empower you to soar

For every flight must be grounded

And it may seem a cruel paradox to be so free

That imprisonment and bondage would seem to seek you

But recognize that the clarity of your Freedom

Is the antidote of captivity

It is this that makes you safe to seek

So that oppression may be redeemed

Set free the caged dreams and the imprisoned visions

Unfold the wings you’ve clipped from the years of trusting fear

But don’t be surprised when you awaken the heroes within

If they bring with them their villains and victims

Cause when you began running

You empowered them to chase you

Open your heart and welcome them home

So that no part of you will be left to wander

Remember now why life has brought you

Back to solid ground

That you may stand and be your own sky

Provide soil for your own roots

For so long as the desire to fly

Is a desire to escape

You will never be Free to Rise

Lex

© lex 2011

www.lexisword.com * lexisword@gmail.com * www.facebook.com/lexisword

Would you like picture of all of you?

Posted November 21st, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

Would you like a picture of all of you?

A story with three endings.

I live in a tourist destination area, Santa Cruz, California. Folks come from miles around to visit our redwood forests and scenic beaches. I enjoy them as well, weekly or more often, with my dog and my wife. You can imagine I see my share of tourists taking pictures of their family with the ocean or other eye popping beauty in the background. Many are international tourists and will never return.

How often have you seen this scenario: Dad has the camera and lines up the family with the ocean in the background. Dad is not in the shot, he is behind the camera. Or perhaps a couple, one has the ocean in the background, the other behind the camera and then they switch positions and repeat. Someone is left out of the group and out of the picture.

As a personal practice, if I see a family, couple, or group doing the camera shuffle, I will ask, “Would you like a picture of all of you?” Most times the answer is a grateful yes, only occasionally is the answer no thanks. To this day, no one has ever been offended or rude in response to me. I don’t force the issue, merely make myself available as a small act of kindness. And I frequently has a brief and pleasant conversation about where they are from and how they like their vacation.

Ocean Beach in Carmel last spring I saw a husband and wife with an older Golden retriever dog. I am a dog owner and lover myself. They were taking turns taking pictures of one of them with the dog, first the husband kneeling and petting the dog, then the wife with her arms around the dog.

As usual, I said,“Would you like a picture of all of you?”. The husband said yes, we would love that. So I did. I took the picture of the two of them; wife with her arms around the dog, the husband kneeling and petting the dog’s head. Everyone looked so happy and happy to be together; a moment of perfection.
I walked up to them and handed back their camera. I petted the dog and noticed how old he seemed. I told them I had a dog too, back with my wife on the other end of the beach. I asked how old the dog was. The husband told me the dog was 12. Then he told me he really appreciated the picture because it was the dog’s last time to visit the beach. They were putting the dog down the next day and this was the last time the three of them would be together at the beach. I knew instantly the picture I just took for them would resonate in their lives for a long time to come.

I said earlier this story has three endings.

The first ending is about the moment of perfection for the three of them when I snapped the picture. The dog did not know it was his last time to see the beach. He was enjoying the sun and smells and the companionship of his pack (family). The family was simply grateful to be outside with their dog, doing what they had enjoyed for years together. This was truly a moment of perfection, captured by a stranger.

The second ending is the ripple effect of seemingly small actions. How was I to know this was the celebration of an all too short canine lifetime? I couldn’t know. But you can bet this couple will remember and pay it forward for some time. My small act of kindness will instill and inspire other acts of kindness I will never know about.

The third ending to the story is my favorite. Life is for the living and life goes on. I received a valuable gift that day, knowing I had a small but meaningful impact in the world. So I keep on offering to take those pictures.

Would you like a picture of all of you?

Warmly,
Jack

You get what you think about.

Posted November 14th, 2011 by Jack and filed in Uncategorized

You get what you think about.

The role of intention and empowering beliefs in manifesting what you want.

There is a synergistic effect of stating an intention and following through in day to day situations with your empowering belief.

We start the Dream Coaching® by setting an intention for what we want. In session 6 we look for and embrace a core empowering belief. This core belief is transportable to every situation and reminds us to think and behave in an empowering manner.

Setting an intention all by itself will have no practical means of manifesting what you want unless you take action. If your actions are in alignment with your intentions, all things are possible. Here is the kicker:

your beliefs and thoughts drive your actions.

The reverend at my church put it this way. She said, “You don’t get what you pray for, you get what you think about. If you spend five minutes of your day on an affirmation and 12 hours worrying it won’t happen, guess what? It won’t happen.”
Your emotional energy tends to follow where your thoughts go. Imagine spending 12 hours a day affirming what you want by taking action to get it and only five minutes worrying you won’t.

Your empowering belief is what you use for those 12 hours a day to redirect your thoughts to the positive possibilities in the face of circumstances and doubt. Redirecting your thoughts based on your empowering belief allows you to break negative habits of behavior and drive more productive and healthy behavior.

Here is my empowering belief as an example. I believe that “I stand in my power and Grace.” This allows me to remember I have power in a situation and that with Grace, I can include others in a win-win situation.

How will you spend your day today? What is your empowering belief?

Warmly,

Jack